Easter Egg Tree

Easter is a holiday that’s second to none when it comes to indulging your sweet tooth. You can go to the store and buy yourself a pound of Cadbury Eggs and devour them in front of a Saturday afternoon Easter special, but you’ll feel better about yourself if you rationalize your sugar overdose via more underhanded methods. For example, decorate your living room with an Easter egg tree that just happens to be adorned with candy-filled eggs. Now you’re no longer pigging out, you’re celebrating a holiday.

If the candy you want to trick yourself into eating doesn’t fit into a plastic egg, or if it’s too heavy to hang on a tree, then construct a tree on the kitchen counter made entirely out of your favorite treats. It doesn’t have to look good; you just need to convince yourself that it looks good. This will make the inevitable shame spirals that you get from stuffing your face feel much more shameless. After all, Easter only comes once a year, and chocolate has special antioxidants etc. You know the drill.

Your Easter trees may not provide you with the necessary sugar nourishment, so another process you can go through to rationalize your smorgasbord is baking. Easter cookies are just like regular cookies, except they contain more pastels and, more importantly, it’s socially acceptable for them to include an amount of frosting that will cause people to confuse them for air craft carriers.

If you’re still complicit in rationalizations for indulgence, then buy your friends and family an Easter gift basket. Of course, it would be downright irresponsible to get them a gift basket unless you’ve personally tasted everything in said gift basket first. It would be terrible if the first gift basket you test doesn’t meet your expectations, wouldn’t it? Then you’d have to try out another gift bask—hey look, is that a discolored piece of gift basket stuffing? Oh well, time to buy another gift basket to try out, but not before you do your part to alleviate world hunger by not letting any of the candy from this gift basket go to waste.