(Image credit: Worth 1000)

Say it ain’t so. Pluto has been demoted. It’s no longer a planet. The International Astronomical Union (whose site is currently getting hammered with traffic) has downgraded Pluto from its rightful place at the far edge in our solar system. They assert that Pluto is no longer a planet under their new guidelines that shrink the Sun’s revolving minions from nine celestial bodies to eight. We need to mobilize. We need to fight back.

How will students survive the loss of Pluto as they try to pass their science classes? Most of us remember Pluto as the last word in the planetary mnemonic “My Very Energetic Mother Just Served Us Nine Pies”. How will we remember the order of the universe now? This is a serious problem when educational funding keeps getting cut.
And did these so-called scientists think about how Neptune is going to handle its new responsibilities at the outer limits of our universe? Is Neptune expected to hold down the fort after centuries of slothful indolence? Please, Neptune never had a serious job in its life. Guarding the gates was Pluto’s job. Now, I know Pluto was always the odd man out, the planet without a partner. But is that sufficient reason for eviction?

So what does all this have to do with shopping (I knew you were wondering.)? Well, dear readers, it’s time to cash in on Pluto-abilia. Buy up maps of the planets while they are still whole. They are instant collector’s items. Buy movies like Breakfast on Pluto or a planet mobile from your local museum of natural history. And speaking of which, what will the planetariums do now that they’ve lost an orb? Will they strip Pluto of its stripes, pull it from the walls, cordon it off, label it a poseur or pretender?

I don’t just want to encourage planetary profiteering. I want you to protest, too. We must save planet Pluto. People have already registered savepluto.com, .net and .org, and Pluto's fans are representing themselves well at Worth 1000's Photoshop contest. Speak up, fight back. We’re not going gentle into that not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be night.

If we don’t start now, what will be next? Is there really a Santa Claus? Yes, Virginia, we’re just getting warmed up.

Mimi